Trigger warning: This post talks about miscarriage and infertility.
Trusting in God is easy until something devastating happens in your life.
Knowing that it’s God’s will that a child is taken away from their parents, or a family member has cancer, or that you suffer from crippling depression may be a hard pill to swallow.
Think to the story of Job, a stand-up guy who went through the hardest struggles.
The Bible tells us that as Christians we will be persecuted and tested. And often times it feels like the closer we come to know God, the more that we are “tested”.
I often catch myself asking God to “bless me” without much thought.
I even catch myself getting mad when things aren’t going my way or when I am comparing my life to others as I cross paths with people who have something I don’t but desperately want (such as another child).
It’s a soul crushing habit of mine that I am always working on. The “bless me” and “give me what she/he has” habit that I have really affects me negatively.
Now I know in the back of your mind that you can relate to this habit. In the world of technology, it is very easy to simply scroll on Facebook to see only the filtered versions of your loved one’s lives. The pregnancy announcements and trips to Cancun. The promotions and happy marriages.
If your going through troubles and comparing your life to other lives, Anytime would be a good time to stop.
I know that I am being hypocritical by saying that. I have to remind myself every day to stop comparing my life to the life of the people who surround me offline and online.
The thing is, even if you might be going through a difficult season right now, the person you might be comparing yourself to may also be experiencing trials and tribulations. And they certainly have in the past.
And while I’m not sure if that makes you feel better, just know that if you are comparing yourself to someone that you are envious of doesn’t make any sense because their lives aren’t perfect either.
If you are pro-life, read this: WORTH PLANNING TO SEE (Unplanned Movie Review)
Comparing yourself to others is dangerous
In late 2017 I had a miscarriage that has since caused me to compare myself to mothers who have recently had a baby or are currently pregnant. My miscarriage was especially hard on me because not only was my brother expecting a child when I miscarried, so was my sister. A few months later while still extremely devastated, my other sister also announced that she was pregnant. Every sibling in my family was having a baby except me. My baby passed away before I even got to meet him/her.
After my third sibling announced her pregnancy I entered a very difficult season, one of which I will not ever fully recover from in my earthly body.
Looking back to the day that I found out that I would miscarry (I had a missed miscarriage) I thought it would get easier but seeing the women in my family with growing bellies made me feel sorrowful and joyful at the same time. My emotions were extremely hard to process. Eventually things got better and I was able to process my feelings but it took time, patience and trust from God to get there.
Your Life Is Not Your Own- There Is A Reason For The Hard Season
If you are in a bad season like I am just finally recovering from, don’t compare yourself to others that you assume are going through a good one. They might be struggling with something else in your life that you aren’t. You may have another blessing that they have been praying for for years.
Most importantly, let go of your control. This life is not your own. Your creator made you for a special purpose, and you have no control over what he chooses for you. He may be calling you to hardship to help you learn something, to call you to focus on him more and/or or to redirect you. Make sure to listen more than rebel.
Being able to accept that I may not have another child has helped me to focus on other areas of life as well as share my story as I am doing right now.
Putting your faith in God will give you much more clarity.
One final thought- don’t compare yourself to others.
Everyone that I know has experienced hardship and has gone through some sort of struggle and this was my struggle. And while I know that there will be more hard times to come, I also am happy that I am surrounded by love every day (especially God’s infinite love).
If you have anything to share, or thoughts on the article, please feel free to drop a comment below.
-Holly, the imperfect momma.