The Psychology Of Hate
The word hate is an ugly and weighted word that is used loosely in the English language without consideration of it’s impact.
Sometimes I find myself saying the ugly word, even when mentioning a person. I’ve told a person or two before that I have hated them when experiencing a low point in my life, it’s not something that I am proud of. Hatred has ended several healthy adult relationships of mine in the past.
Let’s really think about the word hate for a moment. How often do we use the word and why?
The word hate can be used when an action generally is disturbing and people will hate what happens. This is an acceptable way to use the word hate, such as “I hate murder”.
However, there are times that when we say the word hate in a negatively impactful manner. We can hate someone because we are jealous of them and might not even realize it, or because we are intolerant.
Hatred can also stem from feelings of shame. Feelings of hatred may arise if someone isn’t ready to admit a negative trait about themselves so instead choose to instead hate others (victim blaming).
Even when the word hate is thought to be used as an innocent way to express an opinion (such as: I hate how smart she is!) there is usually more of a deeper meaning. Let’s look into this more.
Related Article:How To Make A Difference In Another Mom’s Life
5 Emotions That Lead To Hatred
1. Hatred Over Jealousy
The aggressor that chooses to hate others (instead of looking at their own emotions) thinks that they deserve everything that the person they are fixated on has (and more).
Think about this for a moment; haven’t we all at one point or another been the aggressors that play the innocent victim and prey on people that we are jealous of? For example, this statement of hate describes a woman who is jealous of the attention that she thinks she is entitled to:
“I hate her dress. She’s getting way too much attention wearing it. She needs to change”.
The person saying this really could mean “I love her dress and I am jealous of the attention that she is getting.”
Of course I use this example because I am a woman and have felt these feelings myself when other women may have gotten more attention than me. How many times have we hated something (or worse, someone) because of jealousy? It’s quite common in human nature. God even made a commandment about it.
Humans have been wanting everyone else’s things and things they can’t have since Adam and Eve (the two humans who lived in paradise but tasted the one fruit that was forbidden to them).
Adam not only blamed eating the apple on Eve, but he also blamed God for making him Eve. (LOL- really dude. Eve is supposed to be your partner.) Of course, Eve could have admitted her fault but she chose to blame the serpent; and thanks to her act of disobedience childbirth is really painful. (If you don’t get that read Gen 3:16.)
But really, wouldn’t we have done the same thing if we were put in that situation? I’ve sinned over and over for things that I at the time know that are wrong. Of course the guilt and repentance comes later but that doesn’t take away from the sin. It’s incredible how we desire, take and blame it on others while hating that same person that we hurt.
2. Hate Based On Ignorance
When people judge a person to the point of hatred based on an assumption and not based on real reasons, they are prejudiced. People can be prejudiced against men, Christians, Hispanics, the elderly, etc. There are no boundaries for the hatred of prejudiced people.
Again, being prejudiced has no boundaries. Read up on some examples of prejudice.
Just To Name A Few Of The Numerous Situations And Events
- Women weren’t allowed to vote until the 20th century.
- When fighting for custody, women have a higher chance of getting full custody.
- During the Holocaust, several groups were persecuted.
- It was legal to segregate blacks and whites up until the 1960’s in the United States.
- The workforce may not hire someone if they are above a certain age.
- Over 100,000 Japanse Americans were forced into interior camps during WWll.
3. Anxiety Can Be Confused With Hatred (But Anxiety Can Also Cause Hatred)
Be careful not to confuse the feeling of hate with the feeling of anxiety. These feelings (although both unpleasant) are entirely different from each other. If someone states “I hate Mondays” or “I hate having to mow the lawn” they just might be anxious or overwhelmed.
However, also be careful to not led your anxiety lead to hatred. In our fast-paced world, it’s not hard to feel severe anxiety or even constant pressure. Life can be stressful, and people can be so strongly affected by anxiety that yes it can cause hatred. It is important to keep yourself happy before life spirals out of control.
For example, (a hypothetical situation) if I were to lose all of my friends because of my severe anxiety (which causes me to blow things way out of proportion) I may start having feelings of hatred towards my spouse, who can easily keep friends. I begin to get angry at my spouse, not only because I am jealous of his friendships but also that he goes out while I am stuck at home with no friends. Everything he does (he is the victim here) begins to be blown out of proportion because I am ashamed of myself and yes, anxious about my life.
Eventually, I as the aggressor will fixate myself on the victim (my spouse) and be ready to attack when any “error ” is made by him. Everything he does will be blown out of proportion, from him coming home at 5:30 instead of five or him wanting to see a friend one Saturday.
I will pass the blame unto someone innocent to try to explain my irrational behavior. This will happen in every aspect of life I feel anxious in, which means that my husband will not be the only victim.
4. Feeling Entitled Can Lead To Hatred
There are some people who think they are better than others. They are born with entitlement, thought to be given “control”. When that control is tested, when it is threatened to be taken away, that person will feel ashamed.
Rape is the perfect example of this behavior.
A man or woman covets something they can’t have (and thinks they are entitled to a person they view as an object), they use this person and then afterwords they often put the blame on the victim.
Entitlement leads to hatred when those who dare to threaten the lives they feel they are entitled to by calling their way of living. Furthermore, entitlement puts pressure on those who feel that they need to uphold to a certain lifestyle (and if they don’t they feel like a failure). For example, if a man can’t “hold down his woman” or if a woman “selfishly” wants to work for a living (she grew up in a wealthy family where women don’t work) they may feel like they aren’t living the lifestyle that they are supposed to.
When people who feel entitled can’t live the lifestyle that they were raised to believe that they deserve, they act out and become angry, taking it out on those around them that try to change their ways.
This type of situation could apply to a man who wants to marry a wife who will be his lifelong servant, or a wife who is mad at her husband for not being able to fully provide for their family with his one income. To the angry entitled people of the world, it is humiliating to not live the lifestyle that they feel entitled to.
The person who humiliates them is “the enemy”. The aggressors are ready to attack at the person that they thought ruined their life. Their focus is on “the enemy” more than likely the person that loves them the most and who they hurt often. Their perspectives are extremely egocentric.
5. Hatred From Depression
Depression can stem from just about anything in life, but most of the time a depressed person feels despair and a sense of hopelessness. In fact, a new study shows that those with depression have issues handling situations where they feel hate and don’t learn to process emotions of hatred.
But instead of being aggressive, more often than not when those who are depressed feel the emotion of hate they withdraw from the situation and become anti-social. This is not the right answer to solve hatred as well because those feeling will more than likely not go away, and they may get stronger.
To Sum It All Up:
Hatred Is Extremely Complex
How do you define hatred? There is no one way that hatred forms. What is so evil about hatred is that it can be fueled by any negative emotion. These five emotions listed about don’t even begin to scratch the surface of all of the emotions that can lead to the worst emotion of all: hatred.
Hatred Can Cause Pain To The Point Of Death
Physically, emotionally, and mentally; hatred can negatively impact a person in every way possible.
From bullying to sexual abuse. From coveting to genocide. One person’s hatred can ignite a flame so powerful that everyone around them, and even people that the person may not know, can become affected.
I think what’s important here is that we all learn that it’s necessary to talk through our emotions in order to process our feelings. We need to teach our children that it’s okay to talk about things and that everyone experiences negative feelings. It’s about working though and understanding why these feelings arise.
It is also crucial to be teaching our children about the importance of equality so that they and the future generations star to experience the most important part of life: love and relationships.
What’s your thought on this article? I love parenting with love and logic. Share your opinion below.
-Holly the imperfect momma.
The Christian Working Mom Blog